


Seasons Change

by gayforthewindyboy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eventual Smut, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Suicide Attempt, based off life events, depression and such, mainly johndave, not as bad as the others ive written, sorta sadstuck but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2145606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayforthewindyboy/pseuds/gayforthewindyboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seasons change, and so do feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I'll say it here.  
> *TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide Attempt*
> 
> Read at your own risk.

Dave Strider has never been one for 'love'. In fact, for him, love is an illusion. Well, being in love is. He can't wrap his mind around the concept of giving himself to someone completely, not after his last relationship. He and this guy, Luke, were dating for just short of a year. 6 days to be exact. Everything was good, for the most part. They got in fights, but always made up before the end of the day. Dave couldn't stand someone he cared about being angry at him. They met in the 7th grade. Dave knew his sexuality by then, and didn't care what other people thought of him. He was out, and proud of it. Near the end of 9th grade, he gathered enough courage to ask his best friend out on April 14th . Luke said yes, and for the first two weeks, everything was perfect. They held hands, spent all their extra time together, and were the cutest couple around. After that, though, things changed. Dave crashed, metaphorically. He was happy, and then... Into a pit of depression that had a hold of his legs and wouldn't let him go, no matter how hard he tried, and no matter who was trying to pull him up. He couldn't escape, and it took a toll on the relationship. Dave didn't want to leave to go anywhere, didn't want to do anything, for weeks after that. Luke stayed with him, trying to help, and slowly coaxed him out. Luke was his anchor, his happiness, his reason to be.

Months passed by, and the fighting and arguing got more frequent, yet through it all, they stayed together. Dave thought he fell in love 6 months into the relationship, and was ecstatic when Luke returned the feelings. Things were okay again, but sure enough, it all turned to shit, 6 days before their one year anniversary. Luke didn't feel the same anymore, and it killed Dave. "I can't be seen with a freak like you." were his exact words Luke uttered when he broke up with him, words that played in Dave's mind over and over again. After that, Luke outed him to the school, about his eyes, his strifing habits, everything he could possibly be insecure about.

Bullied throughout the rest of the 10th grade, he had enough by the time summer came. He had it all planned for when Bro, his legal guardian and big brother, and Dirk, his other big brother were out. As soon as they were out the door, he got in the shower. He stood under the water for a moment, contemplating if he was really going to go through with it. A moment of thinking of how he'll deal with school come the fall, and he was sure of it. He grabbed the pill bottles and lined them up side by side carefully. He made sure earlier that night that he had them all. He counted them cautiously, not willing to lose a single one, in case that single one would make the difference between living and dying. He grabbed his largest blade, which was occupying the third pill bottle (along with his several slim ones he had from taken-apart razors), and stared at it. The water made the silver glow and he smiled slightly. He set it down on the side of the tub and exchanged it for a bottle of pills. One, two, three, four, and more, he kept swallowing them until it was empty. He picked up the next one, doing the exact same thing as quick as he can so he could get to the next part. He bit his lip as he picked up the razor, his vision already blurring. He shakily put it against his wrist, and dragged it across.  _Down the road, not across the street_ , the advice echoed in his mind, but he paid no attention to it. He just wanted it done. Once both wrists were bleeding, he laid down in the tub, and threw up.

Unconscious, bloody, and covered in puke that hasn't been washed away was how Dave was found by Dirk, when he came back not very long after he left with Bro. He forgot his wallet, then decided to use the bathroom, and screamed when he saw his little brother. He frantically dialed 911, and soon after, Dave was being taken away by the paramedics. it was all a blur for Dave since then. The mental hospital, the anti-depressants, the therapy, and the confessions of  _why_ this all happened. As soon as the words left Dave's mouth, Bro was out searching for a new house, away from all the trouble there. A couple of weeks before school started, they packed up, and moved north, away from the Texan heat, all the way to Washington.

The house was nice. It had a basement, and an upstairs. Dave claimed the room furthest from the staircase, and started lugging everything of his in. He put up all his posters, shoved all his clothes haphazardly into the closet and dresser, and had his brothers help him move his bed, dresser, and computer desk around until he had it the exact way he wanted it. After everything was put up and boxes were discarded into the basement in case they needed a future use, Dave climbed out of his window onto the little roof area that sat just below his room. From there, he could see everything. The stars were starting to come out, and the sun was low in the horizon. He looked down at the sidewalk, and locked eyes with a boy.

He was, at most, older than Dave by a year. His messy black hair framed his face, and his glasses gave him this dorky appearance. He was wearing simple black skinny jeans, sneakers, and a blue hoodie over a white shirt. His blue eyes are what kept Dave from looking away. His gorgeous blue eyes refused to look away from him. Dave raised his hand to his face to make sure his shades were on, and it broke the spell which bound them. The guy smiled and waved a little before he looked away and continued biking towards his friends, which had left him behind. Dave didn't bother to respond. He turned his attention to the darkening sky, and leaned back, enjoying the view. He ignored his brothers call for dinner, and didn't come in until a couple hours later, when the sky was completely dark. He grabbed a slice of pizza from the box, and plopped next to Dirk. He watched as his two older brothers played Call of Duty: Ghost on multiplayer, beating the opposite teams by a landslide every time. He chewed thoughtfully, his mind on Blue Eyes. Dave didn't understand why he didn't just look away. Maybe it was because of the way the boy was looking at him. He didn't know Dave, and didn't know any of the weird things that ruined his last home. Dave liked that fact, that no one knew him, of him, or anything about him. "Bro, let me play next," he piped up after a few rounds, his pizza long gone.

Bro handed the controller over when the match was done, and Dave got down to business, drowning out the thoughts of Blue Eyes with the thoughts of the game. He held the controller up in triumph when their team won. A few rounds later, Dave stood up and yawned. "I'm gonna head to bed."

"Alright, goodnight," Dirk chimed up, cursing under his breath as some guy shot him.

"See you in the morning," Bro patted his back as he trudged past him. Once in his room, he disposed his body of everything but boxers and fell onto the bed. he curled up against his copious amounts of pillows, falling asleep not even 5 minutes later.

-

A week and a half later, he was thrust back into the high school life. First day back, he saw Blue Eyes. They shared AP Chemistry together, as well as a couple other classes. Blue Eyes, who Dave later learned was named John, didn't seem to remember him. A few days pass before Dave gets the courage to approach John after Chem. "John, right?"

"Yeah! That's me!" John smiled. "Dave, yeah?"

"Correct," Dave murmured, his face blank as usual. "Uh, I don't understand the homework, and you seem like you know about this stuff, so do you think maybe after school or something you could help?" Dave pushed his glasses up with his forefinger, awaiting an answer as John thought about it.

After a few moment, John shook his head. "Of course I don't. Why don't we start at lunch, you can sit with me and my friends! You're new here, right? I've never seen you around before this year, and I generally know everyone. Well, what they look like at least. I don't do so well with names, but that's okay because..." Dave just watched him chatter along, and they walked to their lockers. With nods and noises of agreements in the correct place, Dave made it through the conversation. "Just meet me here after next hour, and I'll introduce you to everyone!" John finished as he glanced at the time. "Fourth hour is about to start, so I have to go. Bye, Dave!"

Dave sighed slightly, grabbing his History book and making his way across the hall. The next hour was spent thinking and being nervous. Dave was grateful that John was so talkative. He didn't talk a lot, always feeling too uncomfortable to say much to strangers. That would help out immensely during lunch, Dave reasoned. He also thought about the friends he was supposed to be meeting in- Dave checked the time- 15 minutes. He leafed through his book absentmindedly, listening to the teacher drone on. What if they didn't like him? What if they saw his arms? He instinctively pulled down his hoodie's sleeves so his hands were covered, leaving the pages of the book alone. What if they didn't want to be friends?

His thoughts were cut short by the bell ringing, and Dave took his time packing up his things, though there wasn't much. A folder, which had a worksheet of homework in it, the history book, a journal filled with shitty comics, and his pencil. He was one of the last people out of the room, and when he reached his locker, which was across and a little further down the John's, John was already there. "Slowpoke," John teased, smiling. Dave put his things away before closing the locker, turning to the shorter guy.

"Lead the way," he said, hiking his messenger bag's strap high up on his shoulder. John nodded and walked into the cafeteria, instantly spotting his friends.

"There they are!" John grabbed your wrist and Dave flinched internally, but allowed himself to be dragged over to the table his friends were occupying.

"Dave, these are my friends! Terezi, Karkat, Jade, Rose, Kanaya, and Jake." He went on to explain that Terezi is blind, Karkat is loud (which earned him and punch and a 'I'm not fucking loud.'), Jade was his cousin, Rose was a close friend, and Kanaya was her best friend, and Jake was his best friend. He sat besides Jake, and had Dave sit next to him. The whole Chemistry help was forgotten, but Dave didn't mind. He sat there quietly until Rose turned the attention onto him.

"So, tell me about yourself, Dave." Her smile was slightly predatory, her gaze unnerving.

"What do you want to know?" Dave responded, not looking away from the violet eyes. He wondered briefly if they were contacts, but didn't think much of it.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses?" Jade piped up, taking a bite of what Dave assumed to be a Pb&J.

"Medical reasons," was his short reply.

"Okay, my turn!" Terezi laughed, leaning over the table to lightly touch his face. "You feel handsome. Got a girlfriend?"

Dave tensed, and Terezi definitely felt it, but didn't say anything. The smile on her face told him that she knew exactly why. "No, I'm as single as a lone pencil that drifted away from its owner and is now hiding in the back of the classroom, covered in cobwebs and dust bunnies."

Rose raised an eyebrow at the comparison, before voicing her own question. "You're certainly a new face here, where'd you come from?"

"Texas, born an' raised, darlin'," he drawled out. Jade giggled at it, and John looked confused.

"You don't usually have an accent, right? I mean, I guess I wouldn't know, we don't really talk, but when we have, you never had an accent. Maybe I just didn't realize it or something, but was it-"

"I've practiced so it doesn't come out as much, don't need the attention," Dave interrupted his rambling.

"Okay, blondie. I have a question," Karkat stated, using his fork to poke holes in the Styrofoam lunch tray. "What type of movies do you like?"

"Not shitty ones," Dave responded. He gave a few examples of movies he liked.

Karkat looked disturbed. "No romcoms?"

"Nah, romance isn't my thing," Dave's voice became distant. He flicked an imaginary spec of dust off his jacket before shifting his gaze to Karkat, who's mouth was wide open. "Might wanna shut your food shoot before a fly get's in." Karkat closed his mouth with a huff, going silent.

The lunch continued on with questions flying between Dave and the group. Dave asked some about everyone, and in return, he answered some. The homework was never mentioned, not until Dave and John were standing by John's locker. "Okay, so after school, I'll meet you by your locker. Do you want to come to my place, me go to yours, or just go somewhere else?" Dave took a moment to think. His place: Brothers and possible strife that would scare away John and end any friendship he would have with the kid. Johns house: Him, his dad, and Dave, probable cake, and not many people. Outside somewhere: too many people.

"Yours."

"Alright! Well, lets head to fifth hour, we'll talk more later.

They entered the classroom, yet Dave didn't pay attention.

After that class, and the next, Dave was by his locker, and John, as he said he would be, was next to him. Dave packed up all the homework and books he needed before closing the locker. "My dad is picking us up, so let's go wait outside." Dave nodded and followed John as he picked his way through the mass of students. Dave leaned against the wall, pulling out his phone and calling Bro. John shut up when he realised the phone was calling someone.

"Bro?"

"The one and only, kid. What do you need?" Dave could hear the tinkling of tools in the background, and sighed.

"I'm not coming home right away, Dirk already knows. I'm getting help with homework from a... Friend?" He glanced at John for confirmation to what they are. John hummed and nodded in response. "Yeah, friend."

"Oh? Is this friend cute?"

"Bro," Dave muttered, exasperated. "Okay, yeah, but it doesn't mean anything. I just wanted to let you know, but I have to go now. I'll be home whenever." Dave quickly hung up, shoving his phone into his bag. Johns dad rolled up in his car, and John got in the backseat, and Dave followed his actions. John talked about his school day most of the ride there, and Johns Dad asked Dave a few questions, which he answered, but for the most part, Dave was silently watching the landscape pass by. Once they reached their destination, John's father parked the car and got out. John slid off his seat to the sidewalk and smiled, opening his arms dramatically.

"Welcome to La Casa de Me."


	2. Two

Dave entered the house after John, taking off his shoes like the boy did, and stopped in the living room. "You can put your stuff down and sit on the couch," John said, doing exactly that. Dave nodded and slid his bag off his shoulders, taking out his chemistry book, along with the papers that he was required to fill out. He plopped down next to John, setting the books on the table in front of him. "First things first, what are we looking at?"

"Equations that I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?"

"The different typed of bonding and switching things."

"Alrighty, I got this." For the 15 minutes, John explained everything the teacher had, just in a simpler way, a way Dave could understand.

Dave nodded along, filling out a few problems every now and then. Not even a half hour later, the worksheet was done and back in his bag, along with the heavy book. "That was great, Egbert," he ruffled his hair. "Thanks, I can understand and pass for at least another week. maybe."

John smiled and attempted to fix his hair. "No problem, Dave. Oh! Dad's cooking some cake," he make a disgusted face. "Do you want any?"

"Is it bad cake. is that why you made that face? Is it poisoned? I can't be eating poisoned cake, yo. Peeps will miss me."

"No!" John laughed, shaking his head. "I just don't like cake, he bakes it a lot because I told him when I was younger, that my favorite food was cake." Dave just nodded, glancing towards the door where the cake was hidden.

"So, when do I get to taste this cake that you dislike oh so much?"

John shrugged, pushing up his glasses. "No doubt soon, Dad loves to shower guests in cake. I don't know why, it's just a thing of his." Dave managed a slight smile at Johns words.

"What do you have to entertain me before I get kicked out and have to go home?"

"Video games."

"Oh? What kind?" Dave's interest was instantly perked, his head turning to look at John curiously. His eyes followed him from behind the shades as John went over to the rack that held all his games. He allowed himself a once over of his back side, appreciating the view.

"Well, we have Call of Duty: Black Ops, Black Ops II, Ghost. Then we have the older games of Modern Warfare, Medal of Honor: Airborne, things like that."

"Ghost, Definitely Ghost." Dave replied, slipping his legs into a crisscross applesauce position. He caught the controller that John tossed at him with ease, leaning back into the leather couch. "How often do you play?"

"Too often, for Dad's liking. Friend's don't come around much, they're usually busy, so I occupy my time by playing games, along with other things." Dave merely nodded, turned his controller on, and waited for John to get onto the couch to get the game started. John set everything up, and waited patiently for Dave to sign in. He didn't seem to mind when Dave created a new class, either.

"What are we playing?" Dave spoke up after a bit while finishing off the last touches of his class.

"I usually play Drop Zone or Kill Confirmed....." John trailed off, glancing over at Dave.

"Drop Zone is good. Let's beat the other teams so bad, they cry." Dave smirked slightly, focused entirely on the game. John clicked on the category they decided on, and the game began a minute seconds after. Dave wasted no time in rushing forward, his reflexes saving him on multiple occasions throughout the time limit of the game. John followed behind him the best he could, getting the guys Dave couldn't while they both searched for the drop zone.

Dave hissed as he was shot from behind. He quickly respawned and rushed back to the spot, hoping whoever was there, was gone. They weren't.

"Fucking camping ass little bitches," he muttered to himself, much to John's amusement.

"You're quite... Colorful with your words, aren't you, Dave?" Dave hummed in response, scoping out another area before having his guy run up the stairs. He shot the camper from behind, holding his controller up in the air, letting out a quiet 'yes!'. John just smiled and continued on with the game, bunking where the drop zone was. Dave was beside him a few moments later, and together they shot anyone who came near them, along with a couple other teammates who were in the drop zone, racking in points for their team. Eventually, the drop zone changed, and off they raced, searching for it.

When the match ended, John's dad walked in, two plates in hand. On the plates were a slice of cake and a fork, and Dave's mouth starting watering at the aroma coming from the kitchen. "Cake?"

"Yes, please," Dave eyes the cake some more, holding out his hands for the plate. John's dad left as soon as John took his plate. Dave took the fork and dug in, eating as politely as he could while savoring every last bite of the cake. "This is so good," he basically moaned, taking the last bite. John just laughed softly at him, pushing his own plate towards the blonde.

"You can have my serving. I'm gonna set up a new class for the next game."

Dave grabbed his plate gratefully and ate a bit slower. He shifted so his back was against the armrest, the plate resting on his knee. He took his time examining John, getting a good look at him while he was focused on the screen in front of him.

John was cute. There was no denying that. His blue eyes were captivating, and his glasses made him look like a dork, but he pulled it off. He was shorter than Dave, but not by much. The top of his head came up to Dave's eyebrows. While Dave was long-limbed and gangly, John was built. He had some muscle in all the right places. His arms weren't like noodles, unlike Dave. They were toned, but not a lot. Dave quite enjoyed what he was looking at, his eyes flickering from his body to his face. John stuck the tip of his tongue out of his mouth as he concentrated on picking everything he needed.  _Cute_ , Dave thought, forking another piece of cake into his mouth.

He finished it off and set John's plate on top of his own discarded one before stretching. "You got any AJ?"

"Any what?" John paused his creation, looking over to Dave, his gaze lingering on the piece of skin visible below his shirt as Dave stretched.

"Apple Juice, bro. Nectar of the gods. The best drink out there."

"Uh.. Lemme check?" John stood up, walking quickly into the kitchen, looking flustered. Dave smirked to himself and stood up. He grabbed the plates and followed his new friend into the other room.

"Yo, Egbert, what am I doing with the plates and forks?" John was leaning into the fridge, moving things around.

"Uh, sink please," came his muffled response. Dave followed the request, and leaned against the island after, waiting for John to reappear from inside the refrigerator. "Ahah!" He re-emerged, his hand on a container of AJ. He sifted through the cupboards quickly, pulling out two glasses. They clinked as he set them against the marble counter. Dave watched as the liquid filled up the glasses, waiting patiently to be handed one of the two glasses. When he was, he took a sip, resisting the urge to make a face.

"Thanks."

"Mhm!" John smiled, walking out of the kitchen, plopping his bum back into his original spot, and Dave followed him, much like a puppy would. After setting his now half filled glass on the table, he took his seat and picked up the controller.

"What're we playing this time?"

"Kill Confirmed? That sound good?"

Dave nodded, getting ready to play another game. The game started, and again, they kicked ass. An hour later, Dave's phone began ringing from inside his bag. He sighed and set the controller down, sifting through the bag in search of the damn thing. He pulled it out not long after, hitting the 'accept' button. "Hello?"

"David," her voice was silky, and he recognized it instantly.

"It's Dave, not David. How'd you get my number?"

"My sister Roxy is friends with Dirk."

"Shit, man. Your sister is Roxy? She's fuckin' rad." Dave held the phone between his shoulder and ear, and picked up the controller again.

"Yeah, she's cool. Not why I called. Are you okay?"

"Uh.. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Hm, nothing. Just know I'm here if you need me, okay?"

"Rose, no offence, but... I've known you less than a day. Going to you for help won't come so quickly."

He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded. "I figured. Just letting you know. I'm assuming you're with Johnathon. I'll let you go now, enjoy your time." She hung up before Dave could answer her, so he just let the phone drop into his lap as he focused completely on the game again.

"Rose got your number?" John spoke up after a little, curiosity filled in his voice.

"Yeah, she got it from her sister who got it from my brother. Apparently her sister is this rad chick named Roxy. She gives me cool shit every christmas and on my birthday."

John smiled and nodded, shooting some guy that came after him. "Yeah, I've never met her." He glanced at the time and frowned a little. "After this match, you should probably head home. It's getting late, and I need to shower."

Dave shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, cool, that's fine, yo. Let's make this last match count then."

5 minutes later, Dave was shoving his shoes on and walking out of the house, and John was walking to his room with a slip of paper in his hand, reading 'turntechGodhead', Dave's chumhandle.

_"In case you wanted to contact me sometime not via phone."_ Dave had explained when handing it to him.

Dave walked out of the house and began his trek home, taking his sweet time. He liked being outside when it was getting darker out. It was soothing to him, for some reason. He walked with a little jump in his step. He was happy. He thought he made a friend, and that was amazing for him. he's had trouble making friends. He has never been well liked, and has always generally been left alone. 

Dave stopped by the nearby park. He sat on one of the swings and gently pushed himself back and forth with his foot, looking up at the moon. It looked so peaceful, just floating out there in space, without a care in the world. He wished he could be like that. He took out his phone to check the time before standing up. He shoved the phone in his back pocket and jogged home the rest of the way.

"Welcome home, enjoy your date?" Dirk smirked the instant he was in the house.

"Not a date," Dave called back, rushing up the stairs into his room. He grabbed his camera before following his footsteps down the stairs, shouting that he'd be back later. His brothers let him go, knowing exactly what he was doing, and that he would be fine.

Dave made his way back to the park, the camera strap hung over his shoulder and the camera secure in his hands. He stopped every so often in the darkening night to take a picture of something. Sometimes it was a tree, others it was just the sky. When he reached the park, he kneels on one knee, positioning the camera so he could take a picture of the moon. After a shot, he moved back, taking a picture of the lone swing set. He walked further into the park, near the woody area. He made an impulsive decision and decided to walk into the woods. Dave looked up at the canopy of leaves and smiled to himself, pointing the camera up as well, snapping a shot, and then another not too far away.

Nature was beautiful, and Dave loved having pictures of it. he wondered briefly if he would ever be able to get John to post for him somewhere. He snorted softly, shaking his head. Dave wouldn't be showing this hobby to anyone. Only his brothers, and Roxy, knew of his photography. Bro got him his first camera when he was seven. Granted, it was a shitty one, but Dave loved it nonetheless. He took picture after picture, always showing Bro with a big smile on his face. He couldn't contain his happiness when taking the pictures, or showing someone them. He was just beginning to learn the whole irony thing he brothers had, and was still in practice of controlling his facial expressions. Years came and went, and Dave mastered both of those things. Bro got him the camera he was holding as a 'back to school' present, along with some film. Dave thought it was more of a 'I'm thankful you're not fucking dead, you dumb shit' present, but he wouldn't say that to Bro.

Not much later, he came across what looked like an abandoned tree house. He climbed the broken, wooden steps carefully, almost falling a couple of times because of how bad they were. Once at the top, he poked his head in slowly. He couldn't see a thing, everything was in shadows, so he ducked back out and pulled out his phone. He reappeared and clicked a button, the screen on his phone coming to life and providing him the light that he needed. The inside was almost completely bare of anything. Besides the debris of tree leaves, sticks and twigs, and a birds nest, there was a book shelf nestled in the far corner. Dave pulled himself up, being aware of his camera so he wouldn't accidentally break it by hitting it on something. He stepped carefully over to the bookshelf, using his phone to look at the books filled on the shelf. He blew on them, and the dust flew into the air like confetti, catching in the light of his phone as it fell to the ground, settling once again. Dave coughed into the curve of his elbow before pulling a book out to look at the title. It read  _"Passion"_ by Lauren Kate. He noticed it was part of the  _Fallen_ series. He put the book back and slid out another. A few tries of that in, he realized that most of the books were romance novels. He knelt down to check the bottom shelf, and almost laughed when it was all the Harry Potter books.

He put the books back into the rightful place and descended the steps, jumping to the ground when there were only 3 left. He looked back up at the opening and smiled, nodding to himself.

Right there, he decided on something.

The tree house was going to be his safe haven, his escape from the world.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day at school, Dave didn't really pay attention to John. He was entirely focused on getting the hell out of the deathtrap and back into the forest-y area, so he could clean up the treehouse and make it a place where he could sit without worrying about getting dirty. John, of course, tried to talk to him, but all he got in response was Dave's usual blank face, and a few grunts/shrugs. At lunch, Dave did sit with the group again, and everyone tried to get him to talk, but he ignored them for the most part, choosing to doodle in a notebook of his until the bell rang. At his locker, he made an impulsive decision of skipping the last half of the classes he was required to go to. He shoved his messenger bag into his locker after grabbing his phone from the outside pocket. Shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets, he walked down the hall. "Dave?"

Dave stopped for a moment and sighed to himself, "What?"

"Where ya going?" John practically skipped to his side, looking curiously up at the taller boy.

"Don't you have class to get to?" Dave didn't want to stay and chit chat, he wanted to leave.

"You do too, sir." John quipped, grabbing his arm. Dave instinctively pulled it away and glanced down.

"I don't feel well."

"Do you need the nurse?" John frowned, completely oblivious to the fact that Dave didn't want to talk.

"No, I just need to go."

"Did.." John's voice trailed off a little before coming back, not as strong as it was before. "Did I do something yesterday that made you.. Not want to be my friend?"

"Jesus, no, John. I'm just not in the mood to deal with people. I'm not like you guys, I can't  _deal_ with social interactions a lot, I can't  _handle_ being surrounded and talked to." Dave runs his fingers through his hair, becoming more exhausted by the minute. "You wouldn't understand. I have to go." Dave started walking again, ignoring John's voice which called after him as he left the building. He quickly made his way to his house and stealthily snuck inside without Bro or Dirk noticing. He grabbed a few cleaning supplies (IE: cleaner, paper towel, and one of those small as fuck brooms) and shoved them in a spare backpack. He climbed onto the spot right outside his window and jumped down as quietly as he could before taking off to the park. Stepping over fallen branches and picking his way through bush-like plants took him a while, but he eventually reached the tree. He looked back the way he came and shook his head at himself.  _I didn't come that way last time. I should probably make an official way to get in so I don't kill off more plants than needed,_ he thought.

With the backpack over his shoulders, he hoisted himself up the stairs and into the tree house. He sat near the edge for a moment, trying to decide where to start. He stood and shuffled through the backpack, pulling out the small broom and the dustpan attached to it. He set the dustpan down and stepped over to the bookshelf, and used the broom as a duster for the top. He covered his mouth with his sleeve to prevent the dust getting in his nose and mouth. Once finished, he set his shades upon the top and the backpack along next to them. He kicked the bigger things towards the entrance in the floor, and watched them fall to the ground below. After it was done the best to the best it could be, he used the broom to sweep what he could towards the entrance. He was on his knees for the most part of the night, and on his tippy toes some of the other part. Even though he was nearing 6'0, he wasn't tall enough to reach the ceiling, which was filled with cobwebs and spiderwebs. He wrinkled his nose whenever a spider was found, but dealt with it quickly. Removing the books was a difficult task, since there were quite a few. He wiped each and every book down with paper towel before attacking the bookshelf with cleaner.

An hour before night fell, he packed up his belongings, slid on his shades, and looked around one last time, proud of his work. He did good, everything was clean. Now the task of getting things in there filled his mind. He left the area quickly so no one saw him, lugging the backpack with him. He made it back to his own house in record time and was met face to face with Bro.

"You weren't in your last hours."

"Yeah, so?" Dave just shrugged and attempted to walk past him.

"Not so fast, kid." Bro put his hand on Dave's shoulder, a worried look passing across his face. "Is everything alright? Did something happen?"

"No, Bro. I just.. Felt too trapped and needed to leave." Dave managed, not wanting to tell him about his hiding spot.

"Where did you go?"

"Park."

"Ah, okay. Well," Bro let his hands drop back down to his sides. "If anything ever happens, let me know. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, Bro." Dave smiled slightly. "I'm gonna go upstairs and take a nap, I'm tired." Dave walked past Bro and up the stairs. In his room, he disposed of the back pack in his closet before flopping onto his bed, closing his eyes, and letting out a small, frustrated groan. He didn't want them to baby him anymore. Yeah, sure, he tried to kill himself, but they moved, and sure the thought's aren't  _completely_  gone but there hasn't been one in a little while. He rolled onto his side and stared at the wall until Bro called him down for dinner. Even then, he just shifted onto his back. His thoughts turned darker each moment that passed by between the time he laid down and the time Bro called him down for dinner. He wasn't hungry.

"Dave, dinner is ready," Dirk poked his head into the room, poker face on.

"Not hungry," Dave grunted in response. Even though he hasn't eaten all day, he hasn't felt a tug of hunger from his stomach. Even if he didn, he would have probably ignored it.

"You gotta eat, dude."

"No, I don't, more food for you two. Go eat, if I get hungry later I'll make something."

"Okay......" Dirks voice trailed off. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired." Dave almost snorted at that response. It was always his response. He stared at the ceiling so he wouldn't have to see Dirk's face.

"I'll save you some, just in case you change your mind." Dave waved him away with his hand. Dirk left and Dave sighed, sitting up and walking to the door.  _Learn how to close a fucking door,_ he growled in his mind before falling back onto his bed. He soon fell into a restless sleep, his dreamed plagued with nightmares. He didn't wake up until the next morning when Dirk was shaking him awake.

"Dude, you're gonna be late for school. Did you forget to set your alarm or something?"

_No, I just didn't plug in my phone so it's dead because I didn't want to talk to anyone._

Instead of voicing his thoughts, Dave sat up. "Get out so I can get ready." Dirk followed his orders and left the blonde by himself. He sighed and stood up, shaking his head to get his hair okay looking. He stretched and cracked his back, emitting a soft groan with each crack. He walked over to his dresser and chose a simple outfit of black skinny jeans, a pale blue shirt, and his regular red hoodie. He slid his shades on and trudged down the stairs into the kitchen. Dave grabbed a simple Poptart before walking out the front door. He waved goodbye to Bro and Dirk, who were in the garage, trying to get Dirks motorcycle working once again. He munched on the Poptart while walking to school. He broke off the parts that weren't covered in frosting, and let them fall to the ground for the bird or whatever animal decided to snack on them.

Once the food was gone, he rubbed his finger tips on his pants and took out his headphones. He plugged them in to his iPhone and started to play his music, blocking out the sounds of the world. Dave did have turntables, and he mixed his own music. He listened through one of the tracks he made for anything he might have wanted to change. The time passed quickly and he arrived at the building he disliked sooner than he wanted. He sighed and pushed back one side of the headphones, so he could still hear the music, but listen to whoever tried to talk to him. He only expected John to, and John met his expectations.

"Hi, Dave!" His usual cheerfulness was at full force, a smile gracing his face. Dave bit back the urge to smile at him and walked towards his locker.

"Sup, Egderp."

"Don't call me that," he whined, following. "I just wanted to let you know, if we, as in the group. get to be too too close or too much to handle, just lemme know and I'll do something about it, okay? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with us, we're your friends and I'd like if you could trust us at some point, that and be able to be around us and participate in whatever we may be doing," he smiled again, leaning against the locker beside Dave's. Dave's heart warmed a little at John's words.

"Yeah, 'course." Dave nodded his head to the beat of the music, doing his combination on his lock, and popping open his locker.

"What're you listening to?" John asked curiously.

"Nothing, just some sick ass beats." Dave smirked slightly to himself. He knew they weren't the best there was, and he knew he'd probably never get actually good, but he liked the beats he created.

"Can I listen?"

"Oh, no. Nuh uh, this is all for the Strider right here. Only my ears are honoured enough that they get to listen to the sounds coming out of these headphones. Sorry, Egbert."

John pouted. "Awe, c'mon! I wanna listennnnnn."

Dave merely shook his head again, leaning in his locker as he smiled so he could hide it. He pretended to be shuffling around for a paper in the bottom of the locker as he got his emotions under control. He poked his head back out, a slightly amused expression crossing his face.

"Maybe, I dunno how I feel about having others listen to my beats, not even my bro's have heard them yet."

"Wait,  _you_  madethe music you're listening to?"

"That I did, young one."

"Oh man now I  _gotta_ listen to it!"

"Not gonna happen, squirt." Dave stood up, ruffling the already messy hair of the boy before him. "Not today at least."

"Can you sing?"

"I usually rap, but uh.. I guess I can? I've never tried before so probably not, never mind."

"Well, alright! I gotta get to class though, so I'll see you soon!" John waved his hand and took off. Dave closed his locker and sighed softly to himself, walking to his own class.

For the rest of the day, John continuously begged to listen to Dave's mixes, and when John mentioned it at the lunch table, the others did too. he had to hide his phone so they couldn't get to him. Rose was curious about his past, which sort of freaked Dave out, not that he would ever tell anyone. He didn't like when people did that. Karkat was loud, as usual. Jade and John talked animatedly about some ghost show that Dave had no interest in. He was more interested on Kanaya and Rose. "So, what's going on between you two?" He voiced, halfway into lunch.

"What do you mean?" Rose's silky voice soon followed his own.

"You and Maryam over there. What's your deal? What's going on?"

"Well, I'm helping her with some homework."

"Listen here Lalonde, you know very well that is not what I meant." Dave pushed his shades further up on his knows, raising an eyebrow.

Kanaya's face was heating up, and Dave smirked. "I'll tell you when you tell me what's going on with you and John," Rose smiled innocently. Dave glanced at John, and he didn't hear a thing. He was still talking to Jade, and Karkat had joined in with them.

"Not a thing, friend. But you two, there's something. Are you guys.... Getting your mack on together?"

Rose smirked softly, and Kanaya looked like a tomato. _Bingo._ "I'd prefer you to keep that to yourself for now."

Dave shrugged. "I wouldn't tell anyway, it's none of my business who you like and don't like. But, Kanaya, you might wanna, yanno," Dave pointed to his own cheeks. "Get a little less red." Dave knew it wouldn't help. If anything, it made her go even more red. Dave liked flustering her, it was so easy. The bell for the end of lunch soon rang, and the kids dispersed. John followed Dave, talking about that one Ghost show again.

"Anyway, I'm having some of the group over tonight. Would ya wanna come, maybe?" Dave shrugged, already knowing that he was gonna go. 

"You're still not listening to my mixes, dork."

"Dammit," he whined. "How did you see through that?"

"You're like a damn window, everyone can see through you."

John laughed and stopped in front of Dave's locker. "Okay, well, I can give you a ride to my place after school, or you can walk there? If you had to go home. Uh, you might need my address for that," he fumbled through his backpack, searching for what Dave assumed to be a paper and pencil.

"Bro, it's all good. I can get a ride with you, I'll get your address at your place for next time."

"Okay!" John smiled. He glanced at the large clock, frowning a little. "The bell is gonna ring. see you soon!" He sped off, and Dave watched him go, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. For the rest of the day, he couldn't get John's face out of his head, and he knew right then that befriending his was a bad idea. He couldn't go through what he did before, and he had to end it as soon as possible.


	4. Four

After they hung out one last time, of course.

Dave flopped onto the couch and closed his eyes, leaning back against the cushions. "Your couch is so comfortable, I'm jealous." 

"It's just a couch," John smiled, sitting beside him.

"It's more comfortable than my bed, dude. I could sleep here easily."

"Well, it _is_  Friday, so.. You could if you wanted to?" John's eyes met Dave's behind the shades, and they were hopeful.

"Are you asking me to a sleepover, Egbert?" 

"If I was, would you say yes?" 

Dave sat there for a minute, contemplating his choices. He could leave and never talk to the boy who was slowly taking up his thoughts, OR... he could spend the night and stop talking to him after. "Sure, why not." He shrugged, glancing at the time. "When's everyone else gettin' here?" 

"Soon! Which reminds me, I have to get snacks and stuff out!" 

Dave stayed where he was positioned on the couch and watched John scramble into the kitchen to prepare whatever it is that he wanted. Dave tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling, not moving an inch when the doorbell rang, even though it surprised him. His eyes closed behind his shades as he listened to people enter. He picked out Karkats voice instantly, then Roses's, Jades, and then Kanaya's. "Where's fuckface," Karkat sat with a little huff beside Dave.

"In the kitchen!" he called out, apparently hearing the potty mouth beside the blonde. "And please keep the cursing down, Dad will be home soon." John walked out, a plate in his hand. On the plate sat cookies, and Dave sniffed the air, sitting up quickly when he realised what they were.

"Gimme one," he reached towards the plate, only to have his hand smacked by John.

"No, not yet."

"Why not?" Dave grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Are you... Pouting?" Rose's laughed softly, taking up the spot beside Karkat.

"What?" Dave dropped his arms back down. "I am most _definitely_ not pouting, Lalonde. Striders do not, I repeat,  _do not_ pout."

"Coulda fooled me," Karkat quipped, his hand now reaching for the plate.

"No." John smacked his hand as well, setting the cookies on the table. "Can't you guys wait a minute? Jeeze, it's like you're never fed or something."

Dave's stomach decided at that moment to growl, and all head turned towards him. "What?" he said innocently.

"Are you hungry?" John asked, smiling. Oh god, it was that smile. The one he couldn't get out of his head.

"No."

"You totally are."

"Am not!"

"Dave, lying isn't very nice," Rose joined in the banter, a small smile on her face.

"I'm not lying!" Dave insisted, whining maybe just a little. "I just.. want a cookie..."

John giggled, he fucking  _giggled_ , and handed one to his friend. "Okay, I'll let you have one."

"What about  _me_?" Karkat's indignant cry echoed around them, sending everyone into a fit of laughter, and Dave cracked a small smile at their antics. Karkat huffed, "Stop laughing at me, you twats! I just want a damn cookie!" That certainly didn't help anything, it made it worse. Dave covered his mouth and snickered softly.

"Yo, Karkles—" 

" _Don't call me that_ ," he hissed, glaring at Dave.

"Whatever, but just sayin', I don't think telling them to not laugh at you is workin' too well."

"No shit, Sherlock," he snapped back, grabbing a cookie. "They can all suck my—"

"Suck your what, Mr. Vantas?" John's father entered the room.

"My.. My big toe?"

"That's better! John, don't bore your guests, start the night!"

"Okay!" John listened to his father and jumped up, walking to a rack of cases. "What movie do you guys want to start with?"

"Something funny?" Rose suggested. Kanaya nodded from her perch beside the girl.

"And not one of Karkats romcoms," Kanaya put in, glancing at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'm just not in the mood to watch one of those as of right now."

"How about an Adam Sandler one?" John suggested.

Dave got up and made his way to beside the black haired boy, his arm wrapping around his shoulders. "You have a shitty selection, Egderp." Dave commented, "But this one is alright. Let's watch it." Dave pulled the case out, showing it to the group behind him. He noticed everyone shifted to the side, which meant Dave not only lost his spot, but he'd either be sitting highly close to the boy he may be crushing on, or said boy (or himself) would have to sit on the floor. Dave handed the case back to John and walked to the couch. He leaned against the armrest, crossing his arms across his chest. His butt was against (if not a little bit on) the armrest, and his legs were bent to make it work. John slide the movie in before turning around, pausing when he saw Dave wasn't sitting on the couch.

"You can sit, you know," he smiled, walking over to the couch.

"Nah, I'll take the floor." Dave responded. He waited until John was seated before sitting down. He sat in front of him, not entirely one purpose. Mostly on purpose, but not entirely. Halfway through the movie, Dave's attention is brought to the hand that is playing with the strands of hair near the end of his blonde locks. He glanced back at whoever was playing with them. The gentle hands belonged to John, and Dave had to force back a smile.

"Sorry," he whispered sheepishly, retracting his hand.

"It's fine," Dave murmured. "I like when people play with my hair." Dave actually didn't like it, he just wanted John to be touching some part of him. Dave closed his eyes again as John slowly reached forward, toying with his hair once more. He didn't really focus on the movie, it was shitty in his opinion. He merely focused on John. He knew he was getting in too deep. He needed to back out as soon as he could. He was honestly scared. He knew he would gather feelings for John, and he was terrified. He didn't want the same thing to happen like last time. He emitted a soft sigh and waited for the end credits to roll. The group managed to watch another (shitty) movie, before someone suggested to do something else.

"Like?"

"Why not Mario Cart? You know I love beating you at it." Rose said, a smirk evident in her voice.

"You might have some competition, Rose." John smiled. "Dave's really good at it."

"Really? Have you played him?"

"Well.. No..."

"Ha! Then that is still debatable!"

"Yo, Lalonde, I hate to burst your bubble, but I am pretty damn—"

"—Darn," John replaced his word.

"Pretty darn good," Dave finished.

"We'll just have to see," she smiled sweetly before getting up and putting in the game. They split into teams, and for the next few hours, they battled each other.

During one of the games he wasn't playing, Dave turned to John and whispered, "Yo, where's your bathroom?"

"Down the hall and to the left," he responded, his gaze on the television. Dave stood up and slipped away, following John's directions to find the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, hanging his head and closing his eyes. He could feel the panic attack starting, and he knew he had to get away. His mind was racing, and his breathing was already ragged. He sank down and brought his knees to his chest. He felt like he was suffocating.

_They don't like you._

_John is just being nice._

_Do you really think you can be their friend?_

_When they find out about your past they're going to hate you._

_Wait they already do._

_You're such a fuck up_

_They'll never accept you_

_If they find out you' sexuality they're going to wish you were dead_

The words and voices started to mash together, and Dave's fingers snaked his way into his hair. His glasses fell down and a tear rolled down his cheek. He pulled on his hair, wanting the pain to distract himself from the thoughts. Nothing was working. He was drowning in the harsh reality of how right they are. He could never be one of them, he was just a fucked up kid who couldn't even off himself correctly. There was no place for him here. No place for him anywhere on this earth.

_Do it again. Only this time, succeed, you dumb fucking blonde._

Dave held back a quiet sob as the tears started to come down fast. He hid his face in his knees as the tears fell, silencing himself so no one knew what was happening. A few minutes later, however, there was a quiet knock on the door.

"Dave?" John asked softly. "You okay in there? You've been in there for a while..." His tone was worried, and that soothed Dave a little.

He cleared his through before responding. "Yeah, I'm fine. Of course I'm okay, I am the definition of okay. Who's not okay? Not me, because I'm definitely okay. Perfect. Alright. Amazing. Fabulous."

"Dave, you're rambling," John said, and the smile was clear in his voice. "Well, come back out for a little, okay? Everyone is gonna leave soon anyway, it's getting late. Are you still staying the night?"

Dave hesitated before answering. "Uh, yeah, course I am. Lemme text Dirk to tell Bro though" He shimmied his phone out of his back pocket and unlocked it.

 _turntechGodhead [TG]_ **began pestering** _timaeusTestified [TT]_

 

TG: dude  
TG: im spending the night at a friends  
TG: tell bro so he doesnt freak out when i dont return home tonight

TT: Is it John's house?  
TT: You're totally spending the night at his house, aren't you?  
TT: Yeah I'll tell him.  
TT: Be safe, lil bro.  
  
TG: thanks dude  
  
  
 _turntechGodhead [TG]_ **ceased pestering** _timaeusTestified [TT]_

 

Dave locked the phone and slid it back into his back pocket after standing up. He picked up his glasses and walked over to the sink, inspecting how red his eyes were. He splashed some water on his face to hopefully make the redness go away. After drying his face off gently, he put on his shades and opened the door. John was leaning against the opposite wall and he smiled when he saw Dave. 

"Ready to go back out?"

Dave put the mask of indifference back on his face and nodded. "Sure thing, dude."

He followed John out into the living room, and he noticed already that Karkat was gone. "Wheres..."

"Karkat had to leave, Kankri came by and picked him up, nagging him about homework and studies and things like that," Rose supplied for Dave. Dave nodded once before taking a seat on the couch again.

"Well now we can all fit on the couch," John said happily, taking a seat beside Dave.

"So, do you want to continue playing?" Kanaya asked.

"How about we all just talk?" Jade suggested. "Get to know Dave better, and he can get to know us better?"

"That sounds like a great idea!" Kanaya jumped at the offer to know more about the boy.

"Is that okay with you?" John directed his question at Dave. Dave just nodded a little. He could handle it.

"First question!" said Kanaya, crossing her legs elegantly. "What's your full name?"

"Dave Strider."

"Middle name?" she inquired further.

"Yeah, y'all aren't getting that one," he replied. "Too embarrassing."

Kanaya pouted a little and let Rose take over. "So, when's your birthday?"

"December 3rd."

"Really?" Rose smiled. "Mine's a day after yours."

"Mine is April 13th," John joined in.

"And mine is December 1st," Jade put out.

Kanaya didn't say hers, but Dave didn't have time to ask her, since another question was thrown at him. "So, Dave, what's your sexuality?"

"Getting right to the good ones, aren't you Rose," he deadpanned. Everyone was looking at him, expecting an answer.

_Better get this over with now, Dave. The sooner they reject you, the better._

Dave closed his eyes for a moment before responding. "I usually go with gay, considering I do find certain males attractive and females aren't my thing, but... Do you want to know better details of what I am?" Dave raised an eyebrow at Rose.

"Of course I do!"

"Well, I'm a demiromantic grey asexual."

"What's demiromantic?" John wondered out loud. Rose took the chance to use her knowledge to teach everyone.

"Demiromantic is when the person, in this case David over here," Dave didn't bother correcting her that time, "Only gains romantic interest in someone when they have a strong, emotional bond together."

"Now what's greysexual?" Jade asked, leaning forward a little. Her science brain was enjoying all these new facts.

Again, Dave let Rose do the answering. "When someone isn't completely asexual, but not completely sexual either. In fact, they can have sex willingly, out of abstract interest, and some do it to show that they love and trust the other, and want to make them happy."

"Next question?" Dave sighed quickly after. He wanted off the topic of sexuality as soon as he can, so he could stop worrying. He thought back to a little earlier. About how the voices said they were going to wish he was dead. He looked around from behind the shades and relaxes when he noticed no one seemed to have the hateful aura towards him.

"Do you like anyone?" John spoke up.

"As of right now, I don't know," Dave shrugged. "I haven't really known anyone long enough to like anyone. Next?"

The question game went on for another hour before the rest of the group dispersed.

"Well that was fun!" John smiled.

"Oh yeah, I just love when people dig into my personal life," Dave said sarcastically, draping himself across the mostly empty couch. He lifted his feet onto John's lap and crossed his arms behind his head.

"If you didn't wanna do that, you didn't have to," John said, a little frown in the place of his usual smile.

"Nah, it's fine," he replied, closing his eyes.

"Well, what do you want to do? I mean, there's really not much to do....." his voice trailed off apologetically.

"Well, I could go for some food."

"Got it! What kind?"

"Can we get chinese or somethin, my stomach is in demand of that noodley goodness."

John smiled and nodded. "Sure thing! Lemme go ask Dad real quick to call and order stuff."

"Just a heads up, I eat a lot, and basically anything, so get me whatever."

John just laughed and trotted up the stairs. Dave walked over to John's game selection and started fishing through it. He sat down and sifted through the ones that were too low, picking a few out and setting them aside with an ever growing small pile of games. John stopped at the bottom of the stairs and laughed again. "Whatchya doin, Dave?"

"Lookin' through your games. Damn, I didn't know your shitty taste carried in movies carried over to games as well."

John gasped playfully. "My movie taste is NOT bad, and neither are my games!"

"Yeah, says the one who owns... Sonic the Hedgehog? Really Egbert?" Dave tilted his head back at John, his glasses sliding with his face, but they didn't fall. Sadly, for John. He snatched the game from Dave's hands with a huff.

"It was a birthday present, you dick. And I actually enjoyed playing it!"

Dave snorted, and covered his mouth, shaking his head. "You didn't hear that."

"Did you just... Snort?"

"No."

"You totally did!"

"No, I did not. Striders don't  _snort._ "

"Dave, I heard it, you snorted, you showed more emotion that you have the entire time we've talked!"

"Which really hasn't been that long," Dave took the chance to point out and stood up, walking back to the couch. "Is your pops gettin' us some Chinese dinner?"

"Yes, yes he is," John sat cross the couch from Dave, stretching out.

"Love me some Chinese," Dave murmured, rubbing his tummy. "Tasty noodles and sauce and don't even get me started on the fortune cookies. Those things are rad as hell."

John smiled and nodded. "Yeah, Chinese is pretty good."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Dave took the opportunity to calm his nerves. Soon enough, the doorbell rang and Dave sat up quickly, his tummy rumbling again. "The food has arrived.

John's dad sauntered down the stairs, wallet in hand. John stood up and walked over to him. His father paid for the food and John took it from the delivery person. He set it down in front of Dave, and it took all of Dave's willpower not to start digging in the minute it was in front of him.

John smiled and handed Dave's case of food to him. "And let the sleepover commence!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School starts tomorrow and I'm probably not gonna be able to update as soon as I like until I get into the rhythm of things again x.x


	5. 5

"How the hell do you use chopsticks," Dave deadpanned, holding the one of the two sticks in each hand. John giggled and moved next to Dave.

"Well, you hold them like this," he held his own hands up and positioned them, attempting to show him.

Dave tried to do exactly as John did, but failed. "Okay, teach me how to use these or I'm giving up and eating with my fingers."

"Ew, Dave, don't eat with your fingers. That's unsanitary. Here," he grabbed Dave's hands and slowly moves the chopsticks in his hands to mimic the position that his were in. "Okay, and now just do this!" John moved the chopsticks so they were together at the end. "When you go to pick something up, do that, and then eat it."

"Okay..........." Dave's voice was frustrated, he couldn't seem to grasp the concept of the chopsticks. He really enjoyed John's hands around his though, not that he would ever admit it to him. Dave tried once for himself once John let go of his chopsticks, but failed. "Show me again."

So John did. For the next 10 minutes, he tried to teach Dave how to use the stupid chopsticks, to no avail.

"I give the fuck up," Dave growled after a little, throwing the chopsticks down onto the ground. "Do you have a fork or something I can use, because I am hungry and there is no way that I am eating with chopsticks because they're too hard." John laughed and stood up. 

"Yeah, let me go grab some for you, you quitter."

"I am not a quitter!" Dave huffed indignantly while glaring at the chopsticks. "I just don't want to use them."

"Quitter."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Just go get me the damn fork, jerk."

John smiled and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a fork for his friend. He handed it to him and plopped back into his seat, eating once again. They ate the rest of their food in silence. Dave fished his phone out of his pocket and frowned, noticing he had a missed call. He excused himself and stepped into the kitchen to call his brother back.

_"You've reached the voicemail box of_ Di-Stri. _"_ Dave hung up and tried again.

"Hello?"

"Hey asshole, answered the next time I call."

"Yeah yeah anyway you need to get home."

"Why?"

"Bro's pissed and needs to strife."

"Can't he strife you?" Dave asked, exasperated. "I'm sorta busy here, dude."

"What? Getting laid by the Egtwerp?" Dave could hear the smirk in his older brothers voice.

"Unlike you, I am not driven by my sexual needs, Dirk."

Dirk snorted. "Whatever, just get your ass home before Bro comes after you and ruins your boyfriends little house."

"He's no-" Dirk hung up before Dave could finish his sentence. Dave rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I take it you have to leave?" John piped up, poking his head through the doorway.

"Yeah, Bro needs me for some shit."

John looked disappointed. "Aw, okay," he pouted. "I'll walk you out."

Dave left El Casa de Egbert and made his way home. As he stepped inside his apartment, he had to dodge a sword that was aimed for his chest. He flashstepped away and grimaced. "Can't wait until I'm ready?"

"No." Bro said, appearing out of thin air. "Roof. Now. Bring a sword."

"What's got your panties in a bunch?" Dave huffed, grabbing what he needed and making his way to the roof of their apartment complex. Bro didn't answer him until he was up there.

"Mom and Dad," he rushed at Dave, sword at the ready, "decided to call me today and say that wanted you two back."

"Oh hell no!" Dave deflected each hit that came at him easily, side stepping when he could and flashstepping away once Bro got to vicious.

"That's what I said." The older Strider came after the younger with a series of short jabs and slices. Dave nearly got caught, but luckily it only grazed his shirt, which now had a fine hole in it.

"Fucking watch it," Dave hissed, taking his shirt off to keep it from getting more ruined. Dave got offense and swung at Bro. Bro knocked the sword out of his way and Dave's smoothly followed with it. He swung the word back around as he spun, only to get knocked off balance by Bro. The strife lasted ten more minutes and ended with Dave on the ground, breathing hard, and Bro's sword at his throat. Dave straightened his shades and looked up at his brother.

"Good strife, keep practicing. Maybe one day you'll be able to beat me."

"Won't that be the day," Dave said sarcastically, gathering his shirt in his hands. "I call shower first!"

"Fuck that," retorted Bro, and he started running. Dave was close behind him, legs pumping to catch up with Bro.

 

The next day found Dave skipping school. Instead, he went to his tree house. He ruffled through his backpack, which had several items he needed. Books for him to read when he got bored. A speaker that he could bluetooth to his phone for music, and food. He had some fruit, cookies, and brownies, among other unhealthy snacks, and some things to drink. He took out his books and put them on the shelf. (It's been emptied by Dave, he only kept the books he thought he might want to read and of course all the Harry Potter novels.) His snacks occupied the bottom shelf, as did the AJ and water he had in there. He leaned against the wall with his music playing softly, and a book in his lap. Life was good right there and then.

But, of course, something had to ruin it.

Dave frustratedly put his book down and picked up his phone, not bothering to look at the caller ID before answering.

"What."

"Simmer down there, tiger," he laughed. "Long time no talk, eh?"

Dave's face was blank of emotion. "What the hell do you want."

"Oh, babe, what do I always want? You."

"Luke, don't fucking play games with me. You've been gone for a while, why the hell are you now wanting to talk? Did you forget that I kind of hate you?"

"You don't hate me."

"I do."

"No, you don't. And you know you don't. You could never hate me, Dave."

"I-"

"You don't hate me, Dave." Luke commanded, like he was drilling it into Dave's head, brainwashing him. "You do not hate me."

"I don't hate you," Dave said, defeated. "What do you want?"

"To see you."

"Why?"

"Doesn't matter, just meet up with me sometime. I hear we close, I'm the next city over."

"Okay..."

"I'll text you when I'm free. See you then, baby."

Dave threw his phone across the house and frowned to himself. He didn't want to go see Luke, but he  _was_ right. Dave didn't hate him. Maybe this time, things would actually work out? If Luke wanted to try again that is.. Maybe Dave could be happy with him, instead of just arguing and all that shit. Dave sighed to himself and grabbed the packet of cookies. He munched on one while thinking. His phone buzzed a few minutes later with the time, date, and place where they were meeting.

_What am I getting myself in to?_


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: RAPE SCENE NEAR THE END. I warned you, please be careful if you get triggered by these things.
> 
> Also, the new writer of this story is https://www.wattpad.com/user/aureolee
> 
> As soon as her ao3 account is up and running, I'll have a link to that profile instead :) Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, WARNING: RAPE SCENE NEAR THE END.

Dave’s head rested against the glass of the bus’s window, cooling his feverish head. He tried to convince himself that he wasn’t thinking straight, that he wasn’t going to find a solution by seeking out Luke, that he wasn’t going to be able to heal, and most of all, that he was digging his own grave. He listlessly clicked through all his photos on his camera before shoving it back into his backpack along with a metal water bottle full of apple juice, a music player, black earbuds, and his cell phone.

He left on that next Saturday. He told Bro and Dirk that he was with Karkat. They would’ve checked up on him if he said he was at John’s. His mental state was far too unstable to manage seeing his ex again, but in spite of all that, he hopped on the nearest bus to the next city where Luke was waiting. 

_Bzzt._

Dave jumped and glanced around him before answering the pester. He originally inferred that it was Luke, but to his surprise, it was John.

 

 **\-- ectoBiologist [EB]** began pestering **turntechGodhead [TG] --**

 **EB:** hey dude! haha, so right now, kanaya and rose are planning to meet up at that chuck e. cheese down past the mcdonald’s right now.  
**EB:** it’s going to be hilarious for high schoolers to be there.  
**EB:** you coming, bro?

Dave thought it was cute that John started using the word bro, probably because of him. He smiled slightly, but forcing the smile to slide the fuck off his face. This made him second guess his decision, again.

 **TG:** sorry cant  
**TG:** outta town for a couple days ill be back on monday i think  
**TG:** bring me back a stuffed rat

 **\-- turnechGodhead [TG]** ceased pestering  **ectoBiologist [EB] --**

 

He sent his reply and sat back in the hard plastic seat and dozed off in order to ignore how freaked out he was.

“WE HAVE ARRIVED AT OUR NEXT STOP. IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO GET OFF, PLEASE DO SO NOW. DO NOT FORGET ANY OF YOUR BELONGINGS. THANK YOU FOR TAKING OUR BUS. DO NOT LITTER,” the overhead com all but yelled.

Dave shot straight up from his nap, taken aback, and muttered, “Fuck,” under his breath, which earned him a glare from a stern looking elderly woman across the aisle from him. He stood up and stretched his back while simultaneously grabbing his old black backpack and slipping the straps over his shoulders.

He exited the bus, only stopping to drop a couple tokens for the bus driver. As he bounded down the black steps, he noticed the little old lady behind him, thanking the bus driver before hobbling off the bus along with him.

He pursed his lips and kept walking in the direction which Luke told him to, but yet the lady was still behind him.

Dave jaywalked down the street without looking both ways, which earned him another glare from the lady. He shook his head as he hurried towards the quiet neighborhood, his breath quickening along with his footsteps.

The houses all looked similar in this neighborhood, kind of like John’s neighborhood, Dave thought as he slowed down his pace.

His roof was a dark grey with a dark brown chimney that looked misplaced. The exterior was made out of bricks painted white and a metal, rusty, tan garage door added some variety of color. A small set of stairs led up to a black gate. The houses in this neighborhood all just looked a little rundown and plain.

Glancing at the white paper slip which he wrote down the address on, Dave took one last breath before stepping up to the black screen gate that held the dark wooden door behind it.

As he reached out to the doorbell, he remembered everything that Luke said to him.

_I can’t be seen with a freak like you._

_You’re red eyes are disgusting. They shouldn’t be allowed to be shown anyone._

_I can’t be seen with a freak like you._

**_I can’t be seen with a freak like you._ **

Dave gasped and retracted his arm rigidly, as if a bucket of ice cold reality had slid down his back. He clenched his fists until they were white, crumpling the little slip of white paper that left him here. It almost seemed to tell him about how wrong he was about showing up here. He felt light-headed, upset, and weak showing up here. Just as he stumbled backwards off the staircase about to go home, the door swung wide open which resulted in a huge crashing sound that shocked Dave into a much more emotional state. But that wasn’t just it. His ex had swung open the door, wanting to get  reaction out of Dave, and smirking when it did.

“Hey, babe!” Luke grabbed Dave’s  arm and forcefully pulled him into his own muscular arms, “You grew taller!” All Dave could do was stumble and allow himself to be pulled. Dave sputtered and manage to choke out against Luke’s blue sweater that it was nice to see him again, but it really wasn’t. Dave felt small, weak, and purely useless next to Luke. When Luke finally let go of him, Dave took a small step back and tried to spot the changes in Luke, but everything was the same. From his reddish-brown hair, to the light freckles that sprayed across his face, and to his own tall and semi-muscular build. If anything, he just looked more intimidating to Dave because of his predator-like grin. “Come in, babe!” Luke beckoned Dave further into his living room, and Dave unwillingly followed, already wanting to go back home. Why did he even decide to come?

He had no answer.

Luke grinned at him and led him towards the leather sofa in the middle of the living room. The room was littered with opened packages of food and plates were scattered miscellaneously around his living room. The room was relatively normal, with a couple outdated karate certificates, a small black television, a wooden coffee table, a worn leather couch, and a neglected fireplace in the far right from Dave’s perspective. He felt as if the purple flower in the clear glass vase was the only source of life in the whole dreary room.

Dave felt awful sitting with Luke, and he felt absolutely sick to his stomach, but yet he didn’t leave. Dave felt as if he decided to leave, things could end up far worse than forcing his stomach to stay calm. He unzipped his worn backpack and opened up his metal water bottle full of apple juice, taking a long sip before putting it back into his bag, making sure he didn’t show the contents to Luke.

Luke gave him another smile, but it was still as threatening as before. Dave took a deep breath and finally choked out some words. “So, how have you been?” Dave started off, nervously.

Luke smirked, “I can’t believe that’s what you think of after such a long time, babe. I was doing okay, but I just missed you so much.”

_I don’t want to be seen with a freak like you._

Dave forced a smile, “Remember what you said before you broke up with me?”

Luke turned his head to look Dave straight in his glasses. He cocked his head to the side, clearly thinking. “I don’t think so... I regret breaking up with you. That’s all I can remember...?” he said, looking exasperated after a moment.

Dave leaned back in the sofa, trying to subtly move his way out of Luke’s arm that was casually draped across his shoulders, “What do you  mean? How can you not remember what you said to me before we broke up after one whole year of dating?” Dave’s voice was steadily rising as his breathing quickened as well with anger. He took in another deep breath and regained his composure quickly, wiping his face clean until he felt as if he was devoid of emotion. Dave had grown used to this around Luke.

Luke broke his gaze from Dave. “It’s not important to me. What’s important now is that you’re here, and I want to say that I love you, and I regret what I said...” Luke leaned back onto Dave’s shoulder, adding uncomfortable pressure onto his shoulder.

Without him realizing it, Dave’s expression contorted. He stood up angrily and pointed one finger at Luke. “I’m so fucking done with you. All you do is feed me with lies and expect me to forgive you after you lead me into a deep hole of anger. I can’t take it anymore. I’m leaving,” he said, averting his gaze.

Luke’s expression froze as quickly as water freezing in the Arctic. His smiling demeanor quickly slid off of his face and was replaced with an angry and cold expression. Dave’s breath hitched again. He knew this look. “What did you say to me?” Luke stood up from the leather couch. His eyes were dark and full of threatening malevolence.

Unlike Luke’s hot and feverish anger, Dave’s emotions were cold and dark.

Dave said nothing, but grabbed his backpack, trying to zip it up, and get the hell out of here before he snaps again.  Before he managed to zip his backpack back up, Luke had walked next to Dave already. He placed one hand on Dave’s shoulder and shoved him violently. Dave’s head bumped into the wall behind him. The contents of his bag spilled out onto the ground.

“Look me in the eyes, Dave,” he demanded, “Dave. You need to look at me in the eyes if we want to have a good relationship, like before.” He gave Dave another hard push. Dave stared at Luke’s eyes, thankful that his shades were protecting him from seeing the world once more. He easily kept himself emotionless, as he always did.

Dave felt like throwing up around Luke. He was just like a useless puppet in front of Luke.

Luke grinned, “That’s better. I’m glad you listened.” He pushed Dave onto the cold wooden living room floor until Dave was sitting. Luke broke the gaze he was holding with Dave, leaving Dave staring emptily at the wall behind him.

_Don’t think about anything. Don’t think about anything._

Dave shifted his head until it was leaning against the wooden door, finally breaking his stare with the wall and instead staring crookedly at the floor. Luke casually sat between Dave’s legs, peppering his face with little kisses. He slid his warm hands down Dave’s skinny stomach, warming him up in the worst was possible. Dave couldn’t ignore what was happening to him now. He was used to things being cold and detached from him.

Dave held his breath and gritted his teeth. He held back his tears and exhaled again. There was no way that Luke couldn’t have noticed all of the pain he was holding it. Luke still kept sliding his fingers across Dave’s skin, his nails giving uncomfortable pricks every now and then.

Luke’s thumb traced the outside of Dave’s pants, perhaps testing the boundaries. Dave tried to choke out words, but his throat constricted and he felt bile resting at the back of his throat. He choked it down and tried to curl himself into a ball to protect himself, but Luke held all his limbs down. He was just like Lil Cal, a soulless puppet.

Luke kissed Dave’s forehead and slid his hands down even further. Dave’s tears were leaking out of his eyes, and they were beginning to drip down his cheeks. He felt hopeless beyond measure.

Luke spread his hands around Dave’s bare skin and pushed them into his pants. Dave retaliated by jerking them out, so instead Luke placed his mouth in the middle of Dave’s stomach and nipped him harshly, his fingers trailing farther and farther down his body.

Dave suddenly had the will to stand up to Luke. He managed to force himself out of Luke’s hands. “I can’t fucking take it. Please just let me go, Luke. Let me go,” he pleaded.

“Why, baby? You wanted this before, don’t change your mind now.”

“Luke, that was when we were together,” Dave whimpered as Luke pushed him on to his back. “P-Please stop, I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“You do.” Luke wasn’t taking Dave’s protesting very well. “And you’re going to fucking like it.” Dave pushed the boy off of him and tried to scramble away from the hands reaching out to him. Luke smirked. “Oh? You’re gonna put up a fight, huh? Well, which one of us has always won with our fights, huh? You? No.” Luke grabbed Dave’s ankle and pulled him close.

Dave’s eyes welled up with tears.

“Don’t fucking cry,” Luke growled. The tears kept coming, which earned Dave a slap across his face. “I said don’t fucking cry, you little bitch.”

Dave sat in shock for a moment. He hasn’t been slapped, or hit in general, in a while. Luke took that moment of shock to pull Dave’s pants down. Dave started kicking and chanting ‘no’ to himself in hopes of maybe, just maybe, changing Luke’s mind. Of course, that would never happen, and Dave knew it. Once the realisation that his pants were to his knees hit, Dave started kicking and lashing out.

“Get off of me!” He screamed. “Get off get off get off!”

“Now now,” Luke crooned. “Keep yelling and I’m going to have to silence you somehow.” Dave’s mouth closed. Luke always went through with his threats, and he had many ways to silence Dave, Painful ways. Luke smirked in triumph and pushed Dave’s pants down further so they sat around his ankles.

Dave decided to try one last time. “Luke, please, don’t. I’ll.. I’ll do anything, just please do-” He was cut off by Luke’s fist connecting with his stomach. The breath was knocked out of him and the punch was hard enough to bring stars to Dave’s vision.

“Shut the fuck up.” Luke got to work quickly as Dave tried to gather his breath. His boxers were no longer around his waist. Instead, they joined his pants around his ankles. He attempted to say something else, but only a whine came out because of how disoriented he was. Luke didn’t like the fact that he was trying to talk so he grabbed a fistful of Dave’s hair. “I said shut the fuck up, Dave.” He pulled his hair hard, pulling towards the ceiling. He let Dave’s head drop back to the ground with a thud.

Dave couldn’t take what was happening anymore so he just shut down. He let everything happen to him. He felt everything, saw everything, but he was so tired. He didn’t want to fight anymore. It would just hurt worse. He laid there while he was violated. The moans and gasps from Luke didn’t spur him to do the same. After Luke was finished controlling his body, he laid beside Dave. Dave stared blankly at the ceiling.

Luke went to pull him closer, but Dave froze as soon as their skin made contact. “Aw, babe. Don’t be like that,” Luke frowned. “You know you liked it. Wanted it, even. You just didn’t want to admit it.” Luke pulled Dave against him, yet Dave was stone still. Luke sighed. “Whatever, get the fuck out of my house. You’re pathetic. You can’t even appreciate the fact that I’d want to have sex with you. You.”

Dave sat and up quickly pulled his clothing up. He staggered as he stood up and had to use the wall to help him to the door. Luke took his time pulling up and buttoning his own clothing. He just watched with a sick smile as Dave left the house. Dave closed the door behind him and ran down the stairs and out of his yard.

 He felt gross. Dirty. He didn’t know what to do. He shakily pulled out his phone and messaged the first person that came to mind. John.

**Author's Note:**

> Can I get some feedback on this? I'm not sure how I feel about it.  
> This is gonna be a chaptered fic, not sure how long. Yet.
> 
> I hope I can get this done before school starts, or before all the stress and homework keeps me from updating.
> 
> Don't forget to check out my other works, all of which are JohnDave.(:


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